An Eleven Year Old's Heart
by FCSimba
Summary: Nancy Callahan wanders through life lonely and confused; a Prequal to "Skinny Little Nancy Callahan Grew Up". This is about her life while Hartigan was in jail. It will be long!
1. Default Chapter

I look back once more as I leave the hospital room, "I love you." I tell him, the man who saved my life. My long blonde bangs fall over my eyes as I turn and close the door. As I walk down the streets of Sin City back to my house I sigh. I look at everything around me in a new light, a new appreciation, and mostly, with a new sense of caution.

John Hartigan, he must be in his sixties. I hear he only had one hour on the force and he chose to save my life with it. Most would just observe the streets or something, go out for coffee, get a donut…But not Hartigan, he risked his life to save me and I will forever be in his debt.

"I'll sign my letters Cordelia," that's what I'd told him, and I intend to do so. I'll write him every week…every single week for the rest of his life. He deserves it. I'm still a virgin, and still alive…thanks to him.

I avoid a broken beer bottle, but just barely. Too lost in thought to notice the clear green glass almost digging it's way into the bottoms of my worn out shoes. I feel dumb, a little violated, and most of all alone. They said he raped me, what will my friends think? Will they even look at me again after what's been said? And what about Hartigan, oh I pray he'll find a way to get out of there. Innocence should always triumph over deceit…but this is Sin City, and in this kind of town, who knows.

I duck into an alley on the way to my house, taking any shortcut I can—I snuck out and would rather not be beaten by my father. He hits me sometimes, not often, but sometimes. I think he loves me, but I'm not sure. Maybe he strikes me so I won't leave; maybe that's how much he cares. I've seen kids around who get beat a lot worse, I'm lucky.

I carefully open the door and sneak in, almost at once I see my mother and father. They don't look to pleased.

"I don't never wanna' see you goin' near that sick son of a bitch. Hear me? No more." My momma screams at me shaking my shoulders a little. Daddy just stands behind her, lighting up a cigarette; he always does that before I get hit. "If I even hear of you sneakin' out to talk to that sick bastard I'll hit you so hard…" she begins to sob, I can't even look at her.

"He didn't do nothing momma…He never has and he never will." I say looking up at her, it's the truth, but she won't buy it.

"That's enough…You're just a little girl, you don't know any different. Nancy, you're too traumatized…" she turns away and walks into the other room, she doesn't like to see me get hit.

"You done gone and upset mommy, we don't approve of that in this household." Dad says kneeling down and looking me over. Dad leaves the house a lot, randomly, for long periods of time and all of a sudden shows up asking to come back. Momma always lets him come back…but I don't understand why. Usually he smells like another woman, another house…another life.

He hits me a few times across the face and then he's done. "Thank you Daddy." I say and run to my room. He let me off easy, and I am truly grateful.

I sit down on my floor and begin writing my first letter to Hartigan, I'll have to keep them hidden until they're mailed so my parents don't burn them or beat me again.

I point my pencil to the paper and begin writing as best as I can.

_Dear Hartigan,_

_I'm not looking foreword to tomorrow but I doubt you are either. So there's something we have in common, we can both be miserable together. I wish I could talk to you in person, but our backgrounds and the circumstances won't allow I guess. I'm getting fairly good marks in school but that still doesn't keep my parents from doing bad things. I don't know if I want to see my friends tomorrow, it might be kind of weird. I might get new shoes soon though, so that's a plus. I think I'm gonna take up studying 'Criminal Justice', I know that sounds strange coming from someone like me but I'm fairly good with that kind of stuff. I like to use my brain. You're a good man Hartigan, they better treat you right in jail. I promise there'll be a letter in your cell every Thursday morning, from me. I won't stop writing…I won't get bored, I can't…I hope you'll end up looking foreword to my letters._

_Love,_

_Cordeila._

I fold the note and stick it in a white envelope. A small orange stamp in the corner completes my first task, and now I must go to sleep. It's late, and I'm a bit tired to say the least. I crawl into my tiny bed and pull the thin sheets over my shoulders, closing my eyes. It's the first time I've had my cozy bed in a while, and I'm ready for the sleep that greets me.

"I love you Hartigan…" I mutter before I finally close my eyes and drift off to sleep…


	2. First Day Back

The light shines through my window, pale, cold, definitely the kind of morning that makes you want to curl up and sleep forever. I sit up and kick my feet over the side of my bed, looking around my room. I take the letter out from under my bed, creep out the fire escape and make my way to the mailbox.

I slip the letter in, waiting until I hear the 'thunk' when it hits the bottom of the box. I look around, tug my robe around my neck, and carefully sneak back up into my house. My parents sleep in late, thank the lord. If my daddy knew about the letters I'd be beaten so hard. I creep back to my room and tug my clothes on over my skinny, pale body. My long blonde hair is halfway down my back and it's hard to do anything with it.

I wear faded blue jeans with a hole in the right knee and a black t-shirt. I sigh and comb my hair until it looks at least half way neat. "There." I say calmly and pick up my tatty book bag…time to go back to the hell hole, also known as, school.

I walk into my class, the hustle and bustle of the kids around me makes me forget about what happened until they notice I'm back….They stop, they stare, they barely breath. "Uh hi." I mutter, usually I am greeted by my best friend Jennifer, but she doesn't come near me. I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment, no one's talking anymore…Everyone's just staring at me.

I take my seat in the back of the room and stare at my desk. Almost immediately this kid named Josh sits next to me and starts prodding my shoulder. "Hey, Nancy, is it true 'bout you and that Cop? Did you really get it on?" he jokes laughing with his buddies.

I look up and try not to cry, I want to scream 'No' and hit him in the face, but I don't want to get in trouble with the teacher and Hartigan told me to keep my mouth shut. I just look away.

"Come on Nancy, don't be shy." He teases, I try to tune him out…but it's hard.

"Leave her alone Josh." Jennifer says rushing to my side, finally she talks. "It's not her fault." Jenny sits next to me and smiles, "It's okay Nance," she rests her hand on my shoulder and presses her knuckles to the bruise on my face. "What happened? Did that nasty cop beat you?" she says, I can tell she's worried—but I'm still mad at her for saying it was Hartigan.

"No, Hartigan wouldn't hurt me." I snap. Jennifer's green eyes widen and she scoots away a little, her long auburn locks falling over her eyes. "Sorry Jen, I—" I look away, I can barely talk to my own best friend. "It was my Dad…" I mutter.

"Oh, okay." Jennifer responds, but I can tell she doesn't believe me. I know when she doesn't believe me because she runs her tongue over her buck teeth…

I face foreword again and pay attention during class...but when recess comes, I have hell to pay.

My boyfriend, if you can even call it one at this age, walks up to me. I know I'll probably get dumped because of the lie about me getting raped…but oh well…I guess I can move on. He's cute, shaggy brown hair, blue eyes, we're quite the couple since I'm one of the prettiest girls in school—that is, when I'm not covered in bruises from my dad.

"Hi Nancy." He says in his calm, quiet voice. "Are you feeling okay?" he sits next to me, I'm surprised by the constant kindness in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I respond looking over at him, tossing my bangs out of my eyes. Jennifer is busy somewhere else, probably with her 'boyfriend.'

Alex smiles at me, that same smile as always, maybe he really doesn't care. "I'm really glad you're safe." He smiles and wraps his arms around me. I hug him back, he smells good—like playground gravel, leaves, mixed with fresh flowers. He's the perfect boy right now. He pulls back and to my surprise gives me my first kiss,** right** on the lips.

Our lips are pressed for about five seconds before he pulls away and smiles that crooked smile of his, the same one I have. I blush and look away, wondering who saw me. I have a tendency to lick my lips after something touches them, and after I run my tongue over my lips I can taste the kiss all over again. "I love you Alex." I smile and hug him again.

He doesn't respond, but continues hugging me.

Later that week I write Hartigan my second letter.

_Dear Hartigan,_

_I'm in love with my boyfriend Alex. He's so nice. I got my first kiss on Monday; it lasted about four seconds but who's counting? He's really nice, and really handsome and I want us to be together forever. He's got brown hair and blue eyes and he's really handsome. And when he holds me in his arms, nothing can happen to me. He makes me feel safe…He reminds me of you in a way, except younger. Hartigan, you're the greatest, I'll never forget what you've given me…and I appreciate it every day. I love you just as much as Alex. You'll always be my Hartigan._

_Love,_

_Cordelia. _

I tuck the letter in an ordinary envelope and paste a stamp on the side…It's all ready to mail. I hope he actually cares that I write to him, he deserves it. Every last letter…


	3. Birthday Surprise

Another couple years drag on, life goes by slow. Alex and I are still closer than ever though, so I look foreword to each day. My thirteenth birthday is tomorrow. Alex said we're gonna' do something really special! I'll write Hartigan all about it after it happens. We'll probably see a movie or something.

I don't really have many friends anymore, and Jennifer has long since ditched me for the popular girls. She called me a psychopathic freak and kicked mud all over me before stomping off and laughing with some of her other friends. I cried myself to sleep for about six months. Alex helped me get through it. I don't know what I'd do without him.

This girl named Shellie is pretty nice to me. She has curly blonde hair and a really sunny smile; she's one of the only people who ever talk to me anymore. But then again, not many people talk to her. I don't see why, maybe it's because she wants to apply for a job at 'Kadie's' which is a local bar…they usually have exotic dancers on stage. She's aloud to work as a waitress there in about a year. She's already fourteen though, so I guess that kind of makes sense.

In Sin City, nobody cares if you're legally old enough to work at a bar like that, so I guess maybe that's why Shellie's so interested. She said that I was a pretty good dancer, said that maybe I should become the woman who entices the fella's on stage…I don't know if I'll take her up on that.

I sigh and practice dancing in the background, I'm not half bad, and maybe I should consider it. I run my fingers through my silky blonde hair, not bad. But no, I'm far too loyal to Alex…It'd be a bit 'slutty' of me. I yawn, time for bed I guess. I wander over to my bed and lie down, closing my eyes and falling asleep…Hoping tomorrow will go perfect.

Morning; I'm ready as ever for it. I don't get presents from my family, we're too poor, but I look foreword to my birthday anyways…I smile at myself in the mirror, I've gotten taller…Filled out a bit. I brush out the knots in my long blonde hair and smile, I grab the letter I've written for Hartigan and make my way out to the mailbox. I drop the letter down, it 'thunks' at the bottom as usual. All of a sudden my eyes are covered, two hands cupped over them. 'Oh god…' I think squirming a bit. I feel lips hit my neck and stop struggling…

"Alex?" I ask, hoping to god that it's him.

"Who else would it be?" he whispers in my ear.

I breathe a sigh of relief and turn around holding him close. "I'm so glad it's you." I laugh slightly at my stupidity.

"Come on…We've gotta' hurry." He says nodding down an alley.

I raise a brow, "Hurry; for what?" I cock my head slightly—what's he planning?

"You'll see." He takes my hand and begins to walk down the alley, dodging dumpsters and homeless people along the line. Soon we're walking down the main streets. We stop at this shack, and he knocks on the door in a weird pattern. It swings open with a creaking noise that'd make your blood run cold. "Alex…?" I say uncertainly as he steps inside and tugs on my arm.

"Come on, it'll be fine." He says calmly. "Would I put you in danger?" he asks softly.

I shake my head, "No, I don't think so." I smile softly.

Soon a light flickers on and a large fellow steps out of the shadows. "Hey Alex," he smirks cracking his knuckles. "What'll it be?"

"Just couple'a drinks, and make it snappy, 'kay?" he nods to the other dude. "Oh, and hook me up with a key to 'the room.'" He winks at the other guy, which makes me a little nervous…and there's something about the way he says 'the room' that makes me shiver.

The other guy nods and tosses Alex a shiny silver key. "Ready?" he asks me, running his tongue over his lips.

"Uh, I don't know." I say, starting to become frightened. The guy, who I notice is wearing a name-tag that says 'Larry', says something on a little communicator that I can't quite make out. Apparently there's someone else in here…Maybe it's a co-worker, if you could call it that.

Alex shoves the key into a lock on a tatty old door and wriggles it around before the door pops open. There's a bed in the far corner, a couple of couches, and a table with two drinks on it. Another guy is in the room, he nods and steps out of a back door…He's got the same device 'Larry' had…That must have been who he was talking to.

"So what do you think?" Alex asks giving me a grin.

"I don't even know what we're doing here." I admit looking around in utter confusion…Those drinks don't look like anything I should be having at my age.

"Come on silly." Alex takes my hand and leads me towards the couch. He takes up one of the drinks and places it to his lips, guzzling down the brownish golden liquid inside. "Yowzah." He says shaking his head after he drinks it. "Come on babe, take a sip." He hands me the other glass. I look it over with uncertainty.

"I don't think I want to…This looks illegal." I mutter nervously running my fingers through my bangs.

"It is, which is why we're here…Where no one can find us. So come on, drink up." He says kicking his feet up on the table and placing one of his hands on my shoulder, rubbing softly.

"I don't want to." I say putting the glass down.

"That's cool I guess, maybe you just want to be fully alert for what comes next." He grins scooting closer, leaning in for another kiss. I can taste the alcohol on his breath, it makes me a little nervous but I kiss back. He slides his tongue in and I try to pull away but he grabs the back of my neck and makes our tongue's tangle. It's not so bad I guess, I just feel a little trashy in a place like this.

He uses the hand not on my shoulder to hold onto my thigh—Now I'm getting worried. He situates himself so he's nearly sitting on me, our once vertical positions starting to shift into horizontal…He reaches up my shirt, feeling my stomach, tracing my muscle lines. I make a few noises, trying to say 'No' but his tongue is in the way and I can't. And then he goes for it, he reaches up all the way and lays a hand on my breast. I pull back with so much force there's a popping noise when our lips separate.

"Alex!" I grab his hand and hold it away from me. "Knock it off." I sit up and take deep, shallow breaths.

"Come on Nancy, I thought you loved me." He says looking at me with those deep blue eyes.

"I do I just don't want to do this…Not now, not like this." I say rubbing my arm with my delicate hands.

"Maybe my friends were right, I should have dumped you when that Hartigan guy slept with you." He glares at me and slumps back against the couch. "I mean, you'll give some random fuckin' cop satisfaction, but not your boyfriend of three years?" he scoffs.

I can't believe what I'm hearing; my heart breaks and tears begin to drip down my cheeks and off my chin. "That's all you wanted me for? Was because you thought if you played your cards right, you could get something out of me?" I sob, I can't believe it, and I thought he loved me. I thought I was special.

"What the hell do you think? Why else would I have stayed with you? I mean, nobody even likes you anymore, you're such a loser…I can't believe I wasted all these years…There are goody-goodies who'll put out more than you." He stands up and begins to walk out the door. "Come on, the longer you stay in here the more I have to pay—now let's go." He grumbles and pushes me out of the shack, leaning out of the doorway to say one more thing. "Oh and by the way, if you tell anyone about this place, I'll tell everyone we had sex." He gives a smug smile, "and you know they'll all believe me…so keep your damn mouth shut." He slams the door in my face and I'm left all alone.

I look back at that creaky door and begin running home as fast as I can, sobbing, and screaming at my stupidity…I hate Alex, I hate my life, and most of all…I hate myself. I'm so stupid, why couldn't I see it?

When I get home I run into my room and lock the door, pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil—I'll write Hartigan…That always makes me feel better.

_Dear Hartigan,_

_Alex took me to this place today, really shady place…He had this guy bring in alcoholic beverages and took me into a trashy room where he planned to seduce me. I found out the only reason he stayed with me this whole time was because he thought he could get something out of me All those times we kissed, every time our lips pressed, it meant nothing to him. It was simply one step closer to the 'big day'. The day he'd get what he wanted out of me.. Oh Hartigan, I hate the way my life is going and I hate the way Sin City is. He used to be so sweet, I really thought I had something with him…I wish you could come and see me Hartigan, I could really use someone like you right about now. I feel like you're the only one who loves me anymore, and I'm probably right unless you don't even care about me. God damn I feel like a fool, a classic fool. I feel used, unloved, and a waste of everyone's time…Especially yours. I'm so pitiful, sitting here dripping tears all over your letter. I better wrap this up, my hand is shaking so hard you probably won't even be able to read this last part. I'm done with boys Hartigan, I'm done…You're the only man that's ever truly held a place in my heart and you'll be the only one from now on…God bless you Hartigan._

_Love always,_

_Cordelia_


	4. The Job

I walk into Kadie's with Shellie at my side. We must look pretty weird walking into a place like this together, age fifteen and sixteen, Shellie being older. Heads turn, mostly drunken old men looking for a good time. There's a waitress serving a few fellows at a table and an exotic dancer on stage that everyone _was_ watching before we walked in.

"Are you sure about this Shellie?" I ask, I've long since given up on life and I'm in need of some cash, so why not be an exotic dancer? People have told me before I move like an angel.

"Never surer, come on kid, it's a high paying job, you're a pretty girl...and a far better dancer than her." She motions with her hand to the stage; the woman is a brunette, in her thirties and starting to become less agile with age.

I flush with the compliments Shellie rains down on me, "Uh thanks." I say softly. The waitress finally notices our arrival and approaches. "So you must be Shellie…" she smiles. "Follow me into the back room, would you?" she asks.

"Yeah sure, by the way, this is Nancy; she's looking to get a gig here too." Shellie smirks nudging me.

The waitress looks me over and nods, "I'll see what we can do." She says and leads us to a back room.

"Hey boss, fresh meat, lookin' for work." She smirks, pushing us towards a man sitting in a desk.

"So I see," he begins, studying us with what seems to be a small smile. "They're pretty young things, but do they have what it takes?" he asks the waitress who I notice is named 'Ariel.'

"How am I supposed to know?" Ariel replies placing her lithe hands on her hips and staring Mr. Hathaway down. I think that's his name, seeing as there's a plaque on his desk that says so.

"Well show 'em the ropes, test their abilities, give me a report and I'll do the rest." He smirks lacing his fingers on top of the desk and smiling. "Now outta' my site, all of yeh's. And Ariel," he says with a sly smirk, "Don't let me down." He winks.

Ariel smirks, "Don't worry, I won't." her long auburn locks fall over her bright green eyes as she holds the door open for us—she's not too tall, so she doesn't tower over us which makes me feel better…but still, this place makes me a little skittish.

Shellie elbow's me softly, "Don't worry kid, we're fine." She says, it's like she senses my uneasiness—then again, it probably isn't that hard to tell when I'm worried because I usually look at my feet.

"Alright kitties, come on, hurry up I got customers to serve still." Ariel rolls her eyes as we make our way into a small back room. She flicks on a light and sits in a chair near the back. "Okay, so which one of you wants to be a waitress?" she asks surveying us.

Shellie smirks, her bright brown eyes shining, "That'd be me." She bites her cherry lips and takes a small bow. Her long, curly blonde hair bouncing as she moves.

"Ah, so I'll be working quite a bit with you then, eh dolly?" Ariel smirks and jots something down on a notepad. "I could really use the help, so you're in." she smirks. "You seem like you've got a lot of good people skills anyways...I think we'll get along great." She winks then looks over at me.

"And you wanna' be a waitress too then?" she asks, she looks uncertain. "I don't know if we need anymore…" she looks a little skeptic, like she's not going to give me a job if I want to be a waitress.

"No," I say calmly, looking at my feet again.

"Hey kid, if you want any kind of job here you're going to need to be less shy." She smiles. "and not a waitress?" she blinks looking a little confused, but then she gets this crooked smile and nods. "Oh, so you wanna' take Lea's job…" she smirks softly. "Well, show me what you got kid." She stands and leans against the back wall.

"You mean, dance?" I ask snapping out of my shy state. "Now?" I look around and notice Shellie's big grin like she knows then and there I'm going to be the best dancer this bar's ever seen.

"Yeah now." She smirks and folds her arms over one another. "Go on."

I look around one more time. "Have any music?" I ask, I'm a lot better at dancing when there's something playing.

"Oh yeah, hey you," she points at Shellie, "Uhh," she snaps her fingers and squints her eyes, "Shellie…Go grab that radio over there." She points to an ancient black radio in the corner.

"Yes ma'am." Shellie grins, Texan accent shining through a bit. She grabs the radio and brings it back, turning it on. There's a song with a fairly good beat playing and just like that my hips start moving on their own. Shellie and Ariel watch me as I dance around, running my hands through my long blonde hair and down my waist and thighs. I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore, not while the music's goin' and I'm dancing…it's the only time I'm ever free.

The music stops, I freeze. Is something wrong? No, they're both giving me this weird smile…

"When can you start?" Ariel finally breaks the silence smiling warmly at me. "You're good kid, best I've ever seen…You're both in." she smiles.

I blink, no way…No WAY did I get in like that! "You both start this next Monday." She smirks.

Shellie runs across the room and wraps her arms around me, "You did it kid!" she grins jumping up and down and squealing for joy.

"Heh, thanks Shellie." I blush. "I guess this is my profession…for now at least. Doesn't sound very," I try to find a word for it, "well professional…but hey, what else can a girl like me do with her life?" I smirk softly.

"Good attitude, you'll enjoy this job, I know it." Ariel smiles. "Now scoot, both of you, rush hour's about to hit and a couple of pretty young things like yourselves don't want to be caught around here with all the drunks that come in looking for a good time…" she says in a more stern tone, and I can tell she means it. "Come on, I'll walk you to your car." She offers, following us all the way to Shellie's car.

"Be careful now. Monday." Ariel closes the car door beside me and wanders back into Kadie's.

Shellie grins, "Monday." She calls out the window and begins to drive off.

When she drops me off it's really late. A starless sky covers Sin City like a thick black blanket. I head into the apartment building and into my house, wandering into my room. I lie down on the floor and begin to write my weekly letter to Hartigan.

_Dearest Hartigan,_

_I finally got a job! I get to work with Shellie. It's not exactly a job I'll be too proud of, but it'll put money in my pocket and get me closer to moving out of this hell hole. I've been noticing my dad breathing hard whenever I walk by him…It's a little scary really, I'm always afraid that one night I'll wake up and he'll be right beside my bed. Oh well, the pay this job gives I'll be out of here in exactly a year. It's a good paying job, regardless of how much respect I'll get doing it. Oh well, the woman who assessed me said I have a real talent for what I do and she thinks I'll go far. I want to make you proud Hartigan, I'm going to grow up strong. I'm going to be completely independent in one year, no more slobbering, drooling, idiot of a father…No more waking up to hear my mother sobbing at his hands…I don't even know how a woman like her ended up with such an asshole for a husband, but next week he won't be here. 'Buisiness trip' he says, bullshit…I know he sneaks out to go meet with those damn hookers for cheap thrills…But whatever, it's better then mom getting beaten for not servicing him. It's late, I best be getting to bed. I hope things are going good for you Hartigan, I really do, you deserve it._

_Love you with all my heart,_

_Cordelia._


	5. Bar Brawl

I tip my black velvet cowboy hat to the side, studying myself in the mirror. "Not bad." I mutter with a small grin, tugging up my leather pants, the belt with the cowboy guns goes on next; I strut around my room, tossing my hair. I've been on the job at Kadie's for about seven months and the crowd loves me. I'm finally learning how to control the crowd, but sometimes I'm a little afraid of them…Especially this big guy that sits in the front. He's huge, a real brute, he could grab me off the stage at any time and just carry me out the door if he wanted—and I doubt anyone would even try to stop the lug.

I adjust my copper studded bra, the leather strips tickling my stomach a bit—I've lost all my baby fat and a firm six-pack now rests there. I dance a little in front of the mirror, Shellie will be here in a few to pick me up. I can drive now, but I choose not to—not yet. Plus, I don't have a car. I throw my coat over my shoulders and leave the house through my window, I don't want dad to see me in the outfit I've got on…He might get ideas.

Shellie honks the horn just as I turn the corner onto the main street. I hurry towards the vehicle parked on the side of the road and duck in.

"Hit it." I smile, my doe brown eyes shining softly below my long blonde bangs.

Shellie smirks, "Hey there Nancy, sneaking out again I see?" she winks at me before stepping on the gas.

"You know how my dad is." I mutter tipping the review mirror towards me and fixing my hair, "Oh oops." I smirk taking off the cowboy hat, for now at least. I tug at my bangs until they're just right and sit back.

"Not really but I'll take your word for it." She smiles, her accent thickening in certain parts of the phrase.

I nod softly with a small snort. Before long we arrive at Kadie's. Shellie hops out of the car; I lick my lips, adjust my hair, and do the same. We smile at each other and walk in together, like always. The fella's in the bar turn and a few whistle. I get shivers when that big guy in the front gives me a nod and smile. I look over at Shellie who gives me a pat on the back, "You'll be fine." She whispers walking over to Ariel to get her table assignments.

I slip my jacket off, getting in the zone as the music blares. I toss it to the table beside me; it lands perfectly on a chair. I smile and put on my cowboy hat, suavely, now they're into it. I strut up to the stage and slip on, tipping the hat low so my bangs hang over my eyes. I grab the rope which is perfectly twirled, waiting for me on the stage. I begin to lasso it above my head, it took me a long time to get this routine down, but now that I do I get more cheers. Shellie's already hard at work, serving and taking orders, it's amazing the way she does her job, and not one hair ever comes out of place. On the other hand, I have to keep running my fingers through my hair to keep looking nice. I toss my head so the cowboy hat flies off and lands beside me before I continue lassoing. Soon my lithe, strong fingers are running down my sides, thighs, and down to my knee's…Now I'm getting into it. I can already hear the labored breathing of the guys in front.

All eyes are on me; even Shellie stops and looks for a bit. I bite my lip as I always do when I'm feeling a little shy that my job is a tad—whorish, and continue. Suddenly I'm caught off guard as the hand of a drunken young man reaches for me. I blink in surprise and slide away, trying to keep my dancing up.

"Come on sweetheart, show daddy a good time." He slobbers over the stage, continuing to reach for me. I keep scooting away, ignoring him for now. He practically throws himself at me and grabs one of my legs. I fall, the rope falls at my side and he begins to tug at me. "Come on babe, this is your job, this is what you wanted…I'm what you wanted you filthy slut." He tugs a little harder; I don't even know what to do. I'm not a slut, I may pull one off on stage but…that doesn't really make me a slut, does it?

My lip quivers and my eyes begin to water in fear and shame, just as I'm about to _try_ and tell the creep off the brute in front that I've been so afraid of picks him up by the collar of his shirt.

"Those names ain't fit for a broad like that, y'hear?" he narrows his eyes and glares at the guy he's got in lifted in that one bulky hand.

The guy squirms and a few of his buddies walk around the big guy, I'm guessing they're going to team up on the poor old fellow…and take him down. "Screw you old man, just because your time for chicks like that has long since passed doesn't mean I can't get my cheap thrills. Hey baby," he turns to me, "how much?"

"It really burns me up when guys treat dames like they was things." He throws the guy into about three of his buddies and they all topple over—spilling beer all over themselves.

The others kind of cower and finally run out the door, flailing and yelling…"Pansies." The big guy mutters turning around to me, he flashes a grin that would usually make me squirm inside…but now, I welcome the smile. He holds out a gigantic hand and I take it thankfully, getting to my feet.

"You alright miss?" he asks, his voice is rough and scratchy, but I sense kindness.

I nod softly, biting my lip, I'm a little embarrassed. "Yeah, thanks…uh." I don't know his name, so I can't properly thank him.

"Marv." He responds, knowing exactly what I wanted him to say.

"Marv." I repeat with a small smile, he shakes my hand a bit.

"Nancy, glad to have finally met you formally." He smirks and nods.

Ariel makes her way over to the area, she's been holding Shellie back the whole time. "You alright Nancy? I wasn't too worried, at least not when Marv here came to help." She smirks and pats me on the back.

Shellie practically lunges in my direction and brushes my bare shoulders off. "You alright Nancy?" she asks looking concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine, thanks to Marv." I say calmly.

"Why don't you take the rest of the night off?" Ariel says getting my coat and throwing it over my shoulders. There are some groans and grumbles from my crowd, but I don't mind.

"I don't want to go home." I say softly.

"You can crash at my place if you want." Shellie says, "I'm sure it'd be fine with my parents." She nods. "If you just want to sit down at a table we can leave as soon as my hours are over."

I nod and go to a table in the back; Shellie wanders to the back and gets me a cool soda. "Thanks." I mutter sipping it down thirstily.

"Anytime." She winks, "I should be done in about an hour, Nance," Shellie takes off to the back room and continues her duties. I sigh and continue to watch the crowd talk to one another. Marv's just kind of sitting there, smoking a cigar and staring blankly ahead of him.

I smile softly, who would have thought that a regular at a bar called 'Kadie's' would know how to treat a lady, if I can even be called that anymore. Maybe that drunken asshole was right, maybe I am just a stupid slut? I tug my black fur coat around my bare shoulders and sip my drink, waiting for the hour to drab by.

Finally Shellie saunters over, smiles, and holds out her hand. "Come on kid, let's go." I take Shellie's hand and smile weakly, I'm so tired.

Marv is waiting at the door as we wander over together, "You ladies take care of yourselves…" he smiles and takes a puff of his cigar, blowing it away from our faces before opening the door for us. "Have a good night now." He smiles and puts it out.

"Thanks again Marv." I look him strait in the eye, catching something that I'd never expect to find, kindness.

He just nods and lets us walk out of the bar.

When we get back to Shellie's I look around, "Hey Shellie? Do you have a pen and paper I could use?" I ask looking around.

Shellie raises a brow, "Sure hon." She mutters, that accent stronger than ever. She glides over to a desk area and opens the top drawer, pulling out a piece of blank paper and a black pen. She tosses them across the room and smiles.

"You sure it's okay with your folks that I stay over?" I ask calmly, "I don't want to be a burden."

"Naw, it's fine. Don't worry about a thing Nancy." She smirks.

I smile, "Okay, I'll try not to." I nod biting my lip as I begin to write Hartigan my weekly letter.

_My dear, dear Hartigan,_

_I'd been warned before I took the job, but I never thought it would honestly happen to me. Some jerk made me feel like I was worth nothing at all; nothing! It was so god damn awful. But then again, maybe that's because I'm not worth anything? No, no I can't believe that. I cannot believe that I'm not here for a reason. There is a reason I'm alive, and I'll find it one way or another…I'll do you proud Hartigan, I promise. Well anyways, I'm at a friend's tonight…I didn't want to be home tonight. I can't handle two drunken assholes ogling me in one evening. Can you blame me? About eight months left and I'll be out of my parent's place for good. Eight more, I can hardly wait. Well anyways, I hope this letter brought your day some warmth. It wasn't very upbeat, but maybe that fact won't matter. Maybe you love my letters no matter what they say, and maybe you don't? Either way, you're still getting letters, I'm not letting you off so easy. I miss you Hartigan, thank you for everything._

_Love Always,_

_Cordelia._


	6. The New Apartment

"Here Nancy?" Marv asks, holding up my small, but cozy couch. I finally got my apartment, it took a little longer than expected but I finally moved out of that hell hole. I smile softly and nod. Marv's been a great help, moving all my heavy furniture from my old room and house and into this one. It's a small apartment, but it's nice.

"Thanks a lot Marv, you can stop working now you know." I laugh a little noticing the sweat dripping off his brow.

Marv smirks and sets the couch down with a thud. "You wouldn't happen to have any brew's in that there fridge of yours, now would you Nance?" he asks sitting on the small brown couch.

I smirk and nod, heading over to my small fridge in my tiny kitchen. When I left my mom let me have a few things, including the fridge, it was real nice of her considering she was just as poor as I was. "Actually, I do." I say, pulling out a beer and tossing it across the room to him.

He reaches up swiftly and catches it, pulling the cap off with his teeth and chugging down the beer thirstily. "Thanks Nance, you're a doll." he says wiping his mouth after half the bottle was gone.

I laugh a little, "Anytime Marv." I look around the apartment, it's pretty empty so far. I know it's only my first night in it but the big open spaces and large windows give me the creeps. I shiver a little, holding my delicate hands around the sides of my arms to keep warm. It was stupid of me to wear a white t-shirt on a cold day like this.

"You okay there Nancy?" Marv asks, raising a brow. He's obviously concerned about me. He takes another sip of his brew and sets it down on the small coffee table in front of him. He stands; making his way across the room and getting a closer look at me. He stands about a head taller than me, and quite a bit buffer. His trench coat sways behind him as he moves, stopping right in front of me.

"Yeah Marv, I'm fine." I smile weakly. I must admit, though I'm no longer afraid of dear old Marv, he is rather intimidating. "Just a little chilly in here is all…Not too home-like yet." I admit with a shrug, casting my doe brown eyes upward.

He shakes his head softly, "You want me to stay with you your first night?" he asks, looking me over once again.

I shake my head, "No it's okay Marv, you don't need to do that. You've been such a big help." I smile. "I couldn't ask you do to something silly like that, it's just stupid paranoia." I admit, biting my lip.

"It aint stupid at all, you've been through a lot/" he nods, taking a strong hand and brushing my bangs out of my face. "I don't have anywhere to be anyways, nobody'll miss me. It's fine, I don't mind at all." he smirks giving me a pat on the shoulder.

"Okay Marv, as long as you don't mind." I smile. "You don't mind if I go to bed though, do you? I'm kind of tired." I yawn a little, moving my hand up to cover my mouth as it involuntarily stretches open.

"Naw, I don't mind at all. You get some rest, I'll just crash on the couch." he takes my hand and plants a kiss on it before strolling away. He kicks off his shoes and hops on my couch, making himself comfortable.

"Goodnight Marv." I smile and head towards my room which isn't too far away. "And thanks again…"

"Mmm hmm." he mutters closing his eyes, his feet sticking over the side of the couch.

I walk into my room and sit on the floor, scooping out a little box from under my bed. I open it swiftly and take a peak inside, a soft smile curling onto my lips. "Oh Hartigan…" I sigh, studying all the newspaper clippings about him. I shake my head, "I wish you were here." I sigh and pull out my pen and paper beginning to write a letter before I head to sleep.

_My wonderful Hartigan,_

_My life is starting to turn around for more than one reason…and it's safe to say it's about time! I have a few good friends that have gotten me through the dark times and now I'm starting to feel more at home. More like I have a reason for being. In fact, one's over right now--he's helping me a lot. But don't worry Hartigan, he isn't anything compared to you. You'll always be my hero. It's funny, I still sound so childish even though it's been so long. I'd love to visit you sometime, but I know I can't. I just hope I get to see you again, someday…That's another reason I keep living this life Hartigan, is to see you again. It feels so weird, writing you all the time and never getting a response. I know I will never get one, and I know the reasons, but it's still strange to know I continuously tell you all about me as well as I can, and yet I never know what you're thinking when you're reading my letters. I can never see your expressions, or have my questions answered…So why do I keep writing? I don't think it's just gratitude…I think it's something more…but I'm not quite sure yet. Well, it's late, it's a big day for me tomorrow, I should get some rest. I'll stop writing for now. I hope you're doing well…Well, as well as you can be doing in prison. I love you with all my heart, and like I said earlier, you'll always be my hero._

_Love always,_

_Cordelia._

I yawn and tuck the letter in the same envelope I always use and crawl into my small, but suitable bed. I tug the covers over my shoulders and lie on my side. I say a little prayer, I pray I'll see my Hartigan again…someday.

By the time I join the living Marv is up and has been for the past hour or so. I stroll out into the living room, still in yesterday's clothes.

"Mornin' Nancy." Marv greets me with a gentle nod, tipping yet another beer down his throat. "I helped myself to one of your brews, hope that isn't a problem." he mumbles, belching softly.

I laugh a little, "No Marv, not at all." I smile and take a seat on the couch beside him, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

"I didn't think you'd mind, but I was just making sure." he chuckles, standing and stretching. "Think you'll be okay? I got a few things I need to take care of." he mutts bitterly. "Plus, I gotta smoke and I don't want to fill your new apartment with this nasty stench," he smirks.

"You're such a gentleman Marv, yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks for staying with me last night." I stand up to give him a light hug. "be careful though, okay?" I ask, a little concerned. Usually, when he has something to do, it involves pain.

"I sure will Nancy, thanks for giving a damn." He grins gruffly, tugging his trench coat over his white t-shirt and jeans. "Catch you later dolly." he says, opening the door and strolling out.

I sigh, all alone again and quite bored. Maybe I'll give Shellie a call. I realize I don't have a phone and roll my eyes. "I guess I'll just have to walk over." I grumble bitterly and stand., but first, a shower is in order.

I make my way to the bathroom which is located right next to my bedroom, stepping into it and stripping down to nothing. I pull the shower curtain aside and hop in--turning the nozzle to hot and letting the water rush over my body. It relaxes me, gets me to stop worrying about Marv. I shampoo and condition my long blonde hair and hop out, wrapping a towel around my body. I lean over, letting my hair fall over the front of my head, I wrap another towel around my hair and step out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

I sit on my bed sighing and waiting to be dry enough to slip some clean clothes on. After several minutes of just sitting I unravel the towel from my hair, shaking it softly to let the access water drip off. It's still quite damp, much darker than usual and clumping together with wet, but it'll work for now. I open a box labeled 'clothes' and pull out a pair of navy blue jeans and another plain white t-shirt.

After a few more minutes of waiting for my hair to dry I head out the door, making my way towards Shellie's which isn't too far.

I walk along the sidewalk of the city, looking around at the tall buildings and the hazy gray sky. Stupid smog, ruining the ozone layer. I don't think about nature that much, but when I do I am sickened at the state of the earth…especially here, in Basin City.

Cars whiz by, making me nervous. Lots of people drink and drive here, and it'd only take one little slip to have their car speed over the sidewalk where I'm walking so innocently towards my friends house. Shellie still lives with her parents, but they don't mind me over.

I hear footsteps behind me and the hair on my neck begins to stand on end. I dare to glance back, finding a tall, muscular man striding in step with me. He's a shady character, thick brown hair that falls over his seemingly blue eyes. A cigarette dangling from his lips. I look foreword again, walking a little faster--his pace changes as well…Quickening with mine. Our footsteps are nearly one.

I shiver a little, 'Oh no…' I squint my eyes shut, I don't know that it helps very much but it makes me feel slightly better.

"Hey, wait up." a dangerously soft voice whispers in my ear. My eyes snap open, he's right beside me. He grabs my wrist and pulls me close to him. "I've been watching you for a while…At Kadie's." he hisses softly in my ear, sticking his tongue out slowly and touching it to my lobe.

"Get OFF me!" I screech trying to wriggle away.

"Hey, hey, hey, whoa baby. Chill." he takes the cigarette from his lips and exhales a cloud of smog in my face, flicking the cigarette onto the ground. "I just wanna' get to know you better." he pulls me in even closer, tilting his head to smell my hair and rub his stubbly chin against my neck.

I grit my teeth as it scratches at my flesh, "Get away from me!" I writhe and wriggle in his grasp, but he's strong. He bends my wrist behind my back.

"No way, you're coming with me." he growls, taking me towards a back alley. "I've waited so long for this…too long." he whispers twisting my arm further so it begins to ache. Tears begin to form in my eyes, I can't believe something like this is happening again!

"Hey you!" Comes the familiar voice of my good friend Shellie. Thank god… "You get the hell off of her you dirty bastard or I swear I'll cut ya." she narrows her eyes, holding up a large kitchen knife and walking towards the guy holding me to him.

She walks quickly, not fooling around--but suddenly stops. "Oh my god…" she says, her jaw dropping in utter disbelief. "Alex?"


	7. Another Close Call

"Alex?" I repeat turning my head softly, my lips parting in shock.

"So you recognize me huh? 'Bout time, stupid bitch." he coughs a little, twisting my wrist so I groan in agony.

"Alex, you let her go right now!" Shellie says holding the knife up angrily.

Alex shakes his head, "You know how long I've been waiting for her? I sat at that damn bar drooling over her night after night, longing for her to be mine once more…and now she will be." he smirks, dragging his lips over my cheek. Obviously he is slightly drunk--he smells like alcohol and he's slurring his words like a five year old on sleeping meds.

"Alex please let me go…" I sob, terrified. He's probably got a knife on him, and when he's finished with me--he'll end my life.

"No, never again…you're so much sexier than you were before." he snickers. "And you smell so good." he draws each disgusting word out. I can not believe something like this is happening to me again, it's ridiculous. He wears bikers gloves with brass knuckles, I can feel them against my spine, pushing and pressing against me.

"Let her go Alex, or I swear to god I'll slit your throat." she says, and you can tell Shellie isn't kidding around.

"Like I care, you don't think I have anything on me?" he sneers licking the side of my neck. My skin begins to crawl in sheer disgust. "I got knives," he said between licks, "I got a gun, I got mace…" he smirks. "There aint nothing you can do to me that I wouldn't be able to counter." he smirks. "Now don't move, or I'll shoot her in the head." he says through gritted teeth. He grabs my ass and lets out a snicker.

I bite my lip, every moment seeming an eternity. Shellie's just sitting there in front of me. Obviously she doesn't know what to do. She's as hopeless as I am, except she's safe right now. I close my eyes and allow him to cover my face and neck in sloppy kisses, trying to keep my mind on other things.

"You like that don't you?" he says slyly. I shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. Why does this sort of shit keep happening to me? I don't even understand it anymore. I've been good, I never did anything wrong. Maybe god just hates me. Maybe I should have died that night when Hartigan saved me from Roark. He should be free, and I should be dead…At this moment in time, I want to be dead.

"Alex, please…please just let me go." I sob, I was trying to be strong but there's no use. Anyone who can sit through this torment and not cry is some freak of nature…and I just want to go home.

"Alex, let her go. You've got a wife." Shellie pleads, still grasping onto the knife tightly.

Alex chuckles, "Does it look like I care?" he uses his teeth to snap my bra. I cringe as pain seers through my shoulder where the strap lay.

"Look," I sniffle, trying to hold back torrents of tears. "If you're going to do something…just do it. Get it over with." I say, my wrist aching to be free.

"Okay," he smiles. "My car is parked over by your house…We'll walk back together and then you'll do every damn thing I tell you, got that?" he sneers, his breath wreaking of alcohol.

"Whatever you say Alex…Whatever you say." I hang my head, I've given up. "Shellie…if I don't come to work…" I can't even bare to say it.

"Don't you talk like that Nancy, I'll figure out something, I promise." she says, her mascara smudged and messed up from her own tears.

I give a weak smile but I can't hold it for long. He pulls a little on my arm, obviously we're beginning our little walk. His hard shoes clack on the sidewalk as we make our way back to my place and the car. Soon it's in sight, and I'm dreading the next few minutes, hours, days…I don't know how I'm going to write Hartigan if I'm dead. I don't know if I care if he kills me anymore. All Hartigan's efforts are in vain anyway now that I'm going to be raped.

"Alright Nancy, let's see what you got. How about a private show in your own apartment?" He snickers.

"No…" I shake my head, I don't want to dance…I don't even want to look at anyone or anything. I'm so ashamed.

He throws me onto the ground and immediately I crawl away, grabbing onto my wrist and trying to get the feeling back in it.

"Now Nancy, don't make me ask hard…" he mutters reaching down for the gun strapped to his ankle. All of a sudden a beer bottle crashes down on his head and he falls limply to the ground. Broken glass is everywhere, some covered in the bastards blood.

"I can't leave you alone for long at all, can I?" I'm so glad to hear Marv's voice I almost start sobbing again. "Who's this bastard?" he says kicking the limp body.

"Did you kill him?" I ask, getting weakly to my feet, my knees immediately buckling from being so afraid. Marv steps over Alex and catches me, holding me in his strong arms.

"Naw, he's just passed out." Marv explains, giving me a soft hug. "You okay Nancy? How do you keep finding guys like this?" he chuckles. "Oh well, better dispose of this stupid son of a bitch." he sighs and helps me to my couch. "We'll talk about this when I get back." he winks, hoisting Alex over his shoulder and heading out my door.

I don't even know anymore. I rub my wrist and wipe the slime off my neck. "What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a jerk magnet." I rest my head in my palms, drying my tears.

Soon Marv comes back, "So tell me how this creep found you?" he asks sitting down next to me and patting my back.

I tell him everything, about what the bastard tried to pull so long ago. About how he saw me at Kadie's and came to finish what he started so long ago. "I can't believe these things keep happening to me. I can't be worth much after all." I sigh miserably.

"That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth." Marv says gruffly. "You're worth a lot, which is why things like this keep happening to you. You're gorgeous. I'm sure everyone just wants a piece of you. I'm lucky," he smiles holding me close, "You're the best friend I have." he nods.

I smile softly, his words help. "Thanks Marv, that means a lot to me." I huddle close to him for a moment or two before Alex surges through my mind once more. "What'd you do with him?" I ask curiously, my light brown eyes looking up at him.

Marv smiles, that same crooked smile he gets whenever he's done something really wicked. "I should've done him worse damage, but I didn't have much time--had to check on you, you know?" he nods.

I raise a brow. "Just look out the window." he explains calmly. "Then you'll see." I open my window quickly to find Alex hanging over the side of it. I see nothing wrong with him, I cock my head a little and that's when I realize there's a knife sticking out from in between his legs. I cup my hand over my mouth and look back at Marv.

"I don't think he'll be bothering you anytime soon." he snickers and leans back on the couch. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap. I'm tired." he yawns. "Tough day." he grins.

"No Marv, go ahead…" I smile softly.

After about fifteen minutes Marv is asleep and there's a knock at my door. I raise a brow and open it ajar. It's Shellie. I let her in and she wraps her arms around my neck, standing on her tip toes in order to do so. "I'm so glad you're okay. Thank god Marv was drivin' by or you could've been killed." she says giving me a tight squeeze.

I nod, "Thanks Shellie, I owe you one." I say, hugging her back softly. She's the best friend I've got, and a damn good one for having relationship problems.

"No you don't Nancy, that's what friends are for. I know you'd do the same for me." she nods, finally letting go and looking up at me. "I'll call Ariel, get her to pull some strings. I don't think you're fit to go to work today." she admits.

"If I'm not going, you're not going." I say softly. "Let's just take a break tonight…hang out." I nod, I don't want to be alone.

"Sure, my place or yours?" she asks, raising a brow. I don't even have to answer before she smiles, "Mine."


End file.
